SNL Short.. UNCENSORED.

it's fun to stay at the...

Real men Wii standing up

 

Browsing the various Nintendo Wii forums around the web, I've noticed more and more people pratically bragging that they play the Wii sitting down, flicking their wrists instead of the beautiful and healthful full-body motion that nature intended. These couch potatoes shall not be suffered. For the Wii purist, I made this prototype for a tshirt:

A ladies version is also in the works, even though the pun doesn't work as well.

Source: Real men Wii standing up
Originally published on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 17:02:06 GMT

US Music Publishers Sue AllofMP3 for $1.65 Trillion USD

 

In a move curious only due to its relatively late timing, the major record production labels in the US have filed suit in federal court against Russian online music distributor AllofMP3.com, seeking $150,000 USD for each single violation of copyright infringement for tracks the site posted without authorization.

Source: US Music Publishers Sue AllofMP3 for $1.65 Trillion USD
Originally published on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 23:44:22 GMT

==================================================

Who needs bands anymore.. just sue the shit out of websites.    Jesus...  Here's a hint to all would be bands out there.. you want to get known?  publish your shit yourself.  DO NOT even TRY to get a label.  You don't get jack anyway.  Fuck the RIAA.   You don't need them.. really. 

Twas the night before doom's day

Twas the night before doom's day
and all through the house everyone
felt shitty, even the mouse.

Mom at the whorehouse and
Dad smoking grass, and I just
settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn I heard
such a clatter, I sprang from my piece
to see what was the matter.

Then out on the lawn I saw a
big dick, I knew in a moment
it must be St. Prick.

He came down from the chimney like
a bat out of hell, I knew in a
moment the fucker had fell.

He filled all the stockings with
pretzels and beer, and a big rubber
dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a
thunderous fart, the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed as he rode
out of sight, "Piss on you all and
have one hell of a night!!!"

Whatever Happened To Jesus Christ's Foreskin?

 

Few Catholic artifacts are as mysterious and as fraught with controversy as the foreskin of Jesus Christ, the only part of the Messiah left on Earth after his Divine Ascension.

After being lost for almost 1500 years, Christ's foreskin (known as the Holy Prepuce) was discovered in the small Roman town of Calcata, disproving a theory by 17th century theologian Leo Allatius that it ascended into heaven to become the rings of Saturn. The Holy Foreskin was immediately attributed with numerous divine miracles, including perfumed mists and freak storms. It supposedly had divine attributes: rubbing it upon the eyelids of the blind could make them see.

But in 1900, another holy foreskin showed up, this time in France. At this point, even the Catholic Church was starting to be a little bit ashamed of their little slice of Jesus and it was decreed that anyone who even spoke of the Holy Foreskin would be excommunicated and burn in hell forever.

Yet that didn't stop people from obsessing about it and in 1983, it mysteriously disappeared. Now David Farley of Slate wonders what happened: was it really stolen by sacrilegious thieves? Or were black-masked ninjas on a cleaning mission from the Vatican itself responsible for spiriting away the decaying sheath of Christ's dick in the middle of the night? We may never know what really happened to Jesus' foreskin.

Fore Shame [Slate]

 

Source: Whatever Happened To Jesus Christ's Foreskin?
Originally published on Wed, 20 Dec 2006 22:00:00 GMT

Family Guy Voices

I've always wondered...

So, as the three wise men enter the stable in Bethlehem, the tallestof the three smacks his head on the low doorway.He exclaims, "Jesus Christ!"Joseph says to Mary, "Write that down, I like that better than 'Derek'."

Superheroes on Screen - Dogs Can Be Heroes Too

 

I sure hope this is better than Garfield

Source: Superheroes on Screen - Dogs Can Be Heroes Too
Originally published on Thu, 14 Dec 2006 06:27:00 GMT by Chip Chief

.. I can't be the only one that liked the theme song..

BABY FART!! HILARIOUS!!!

Video of a farting baby, BEST FART EVER :D

[Video] Iraqi Kids Learn English

 

US Soldiers help Iraqi Children learn their first English words.

 

Source: [Video] Iraqi Kids Learn English
Originally published on Thu, 14 Dec 2006 05:00:00 GMT

Calc5: Quick online graphing calculator

 

What does the 5 in Calc5 stand for? I have no idea. Rest assured, though, that this slick Ajax calculator does support most numbers, including those greater than five. At first blush there's not a lot to set Calc5 apart from the crowd. It works as advertised. But then you get into the advanced math and graphing functions, and that's where Calc5 really stands out. While it's distinctly lacking in documentation, the built-in samples will get you started. You can use unlimited variables, you can do derivations, you can find derivatives, and more, but most impressively you can make fast, attractive graphs, both 2D and 3D. The 2D graphs are very cool--smooth lines, and a Google Maps-like interface that lets you pan and zoom with the mouse. The 3D graphs aren't quite as cool--they lack the pan and zoom features--but still. 3D graphs will always be cool. The site automatically saves your previous calculations (via cookies), which is handy, but there's no built-in permalink system for sending calculations or graphs to your friends and colleagues. I can only assume this functionality is coming.
There are a couple undocumented features (well the whole app is undocumented, so take that how you will) I discovered that you might find useful, though:

1. Pressing Ctrl+Enter is equivalent to clicking the "OK" button. Very handy.
2. You can link to an equation by putting it after a pound sign following the URL. So if you wanted to help your friend solve, say, 2+2, you could point them to calc5.com/#2+2. Your friend will still have to click on the "OK" button (I hope this changes soon), but it works. First person to send me a Calc5 link for the Valenzetti Equation gets a free trip on Oceanic Airlines.

Calc5 is fairly powerful, especially with those graphing features, but it's clearly still very beta. Once they get some real documentation in there and some more convenience features, it could become indispensable. For now I'll probably stick to Google Calculator for the easy stuff, and Instacalc for the more complex stuff--unless I need to do some advanced graphing.

Source: Calc5: Quick online graphing calculator
Originally published on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 12:00:00 GMT by Jordan Running

OH man.. =(

A 13 year old boy was transported to Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis today after taking 15 of his father's Viagra tablets.He's in serious condition with 3rd degree burns to both palms.

CNET's James Kim and family missing -- have you seen them?

CNET's James Kim and family missing -- have you seen them?
Posted Nov 30th 2006 8:45PM by Ryan BlockFiled under: Announcements
We've received word that a respected member of our tech community, James Kim (whom many of you may know as CNET's senior editor of digital audio), and his family have gone missing. As we understand it, last weekend James, his wife Kati (above right), and his very young girls Penelope (left) and Sabine (baby), drove from their home in the SF Bay Area to Seattle. They were expected back some time Sunday, but were last seen by a hotel clerk at 5:45 PM on Saturday in or between Gold Beach or Portland, Oregon. We sincerely do hope they are all safe, and our hearts go out to the Kim family.We'll have more information as we get it. If you have any information as to the Kim family's whereabouts, please contact the SFPD at 415-558-5508 during normal business hours, and 415-553-1071 after hours
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Update: it's worse then that.. He's dead jim.
my thoughts and prayers go to the family, and praise to the internet for trying to do all to help this family out in a time of need.