Friday, August 25, 2006

No farts!!

Wouldn't have just been easier to state: "NO FARTING!!"

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I think the life cycle is all backwards

"I think the life cycle is all backwards

You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then, you wake up in an old peoples home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension,
Then
When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get
Ready for High School.

You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no
Responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
Spa-like
Conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters
Everyday,

--- and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case."

Friday, August 18, 2006

Complaint Letters to Landlords

Complaint Letters to Landlords
This is why English is so important in school.

1) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

2) I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3) This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

4) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

5) I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

6) Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

7) The person next door has a large erection in his back garden,
which is unsightly and dangerous.

8) Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk.
Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

9) Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

10) Will you please send a man to look at my water,
it is a funny color and not fit to drink.

11) Would you please send a man to repair my down spout.
I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.

12) Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap.
My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

13) I want to complain about the farmer across the road.
Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up,
and it is getting too much.

14) When the workmen were here they put their tools
in my wife's new drawers and made a mess.
Please send men with clean tools to finish the job
and keep my wife happy.

Time to cringe...

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."


 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 
 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 
 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:   "A beer please, and one for the road."

 
 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

 
7. "Doctor, doctor, I can't stop singing "The Green, Green Grass of Home."


"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."


 "Is it common?"


Well, "It's not unusual."

 

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to  Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."


"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

 "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

 

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

 

 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

 

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

 

12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

 

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

 

 14. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

15. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

 After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

 

 "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

 

16. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

 

 One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Up on receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

 

 Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

 

 17. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him ...

  A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

18. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Endurance Challenge Mordred's Isle: Episode 1

Billy West rocks!!!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Grease is the word.

Like Grease (the Movie/Play)? 
Like Parodys?   
Then this is just to messed up NOT to watch.. LOL

Greaser

Friday, August 11, 2006

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Memory Alpha

Main Page - Memory Alpha: "Welcome to Memory Alpha, a collaborative project to create the most definitive, accurate, and accessible encyclopedia and reference for everything related to Star Trek.

Started in November 2003 - Currently working on 20,304 articles - Join Memory Alpha and learn how to contribute"

and You think YOU are a Star trek fan?? Get out of the basment my friend(s), because this guy blows your knowleage out of the water.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

WoW Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah

A world of warcraft music video. Music by lordi with the ESC 2006 winning song.

Current game, plus my current favorite group.. can't go wrong!!!!
The power of Lordi comples thee....

Apollo 11 'UFO' - Buzz Aldrin

Buzz Aldrin talks about the 'UFO' which the Apollo 11 crew saw on their way to the moon. He explains why they didn't describe it explicitly to Houston: “...those transmissions would be heard by all sorts of people and who knows what somebody would’ve demanded - we turn back because of aliens, or whatever the reason is.”

Dr David Baker, senior Apollo scientist: "The possibility that you might encounter aliens in space has to be considered in a very sensible and positive and realistic way; there were a lot of people within the program who went off later and became convinced that UFOs existed.”

Excerpted from “Apollo 11: The Untold Story”.

NASA: “I just talked to Buzz Aldrin...and he notes that the quotations were taken out of context and did not convey the intended meaning. After the...crew verified that it...was not the SIV-B upper stage...they concluded that they were probably seeing one of the panels from the separation of the spacecraft from the upper stage. These panels were not tracked from Earth and were likely much closer to the Apollo spacecraft....Apparently all of this discussion about the panels was cut from the broadcast interview, thus giving the impression that they had seen a UFO.” - David Morrison, NAI Senior Scientist, 7/26/06

http://nai.arc.nasa.gov/astrobio/astrobio_detail.cfm?ID=1568
LED

This is just cool. A water fountain using UV strobe lights, luminescent-dyed water, and a timer to create the illusion of water stopping in the air, slowing down the splashes into the pool beneath, and even travelling backwards.

Monday, August 07, 2006

AOL Search Data Shows Users Planning to commit Murder.

http://research.aol.com released a list of 20 million + searches by 500,000 AOL users. Contained in this list are social security numbers, credit cards and other personal information. There are some truly scary things in this database. User 17556639 is constantly trying to find ways of killing his wife.
=================================================

I really just can't believe this. WHO was the moron that thought this would be a good idea?
law enforcement perhaps, but then again, I don't want big brother looking over my shoulder at any given time. We live in a FREE country, which means we take the good with the bad.
Some people (like spammers) are fucktards that should be removed from the gene pool.
we deal with it because most of the people out there are good natured people. Good with the bad. THIS, on the other hand, is just ASKING for the Goverment to control our ever day lives.

They say there's no way to 'track' you.. BS. If they have these logging data you can be damn sure they have your IP address. If they have your IP address, then they have your User/Pass. if they have your User/pass they have your account information that includes your name, and address.

Search for 'How to kill my wife' and have the cops on your door step in 30 seconds falt.
sounds good in theory doesn't it? What if you wheren't the the one the searched for it?
what if if was your wife? brother? some jack-ass that broke into your house?.. worse yet, some black hat that searchs AOL for those 'nasty' things.. but it's all coming from YOUR computer?!
you've been framed. What if 'how to kill my wife' was really a movie or a book title? Perhaps a snuff film?

Point is, there's no way for anyone to really know the context of which the search was done. yes it would be possible to save lives, but there's too many ass holes out there that will use that information for their own personal gain, misinformation, and getting people into trouble because they just don't like you.

Think about that one for a moment.. All of a sudden the bully at High School has all your personal information; your likes, dislikes, favorite routes to walk to and from school, your classes, friends names, license plate, football games, band contests.

This fucking scares the jeebus out of me.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Deckchair trapped testicles

Ananova - Deckchair trapped testicles:
"Deckchair trapped testicles

A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.
Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata.
His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.
But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.
He was eventually freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deck chair in half."
------------
This has got to be true.. you can't make crap like this up.. LOL
Bomb

WTF, Mate?! F*&king kangaroos

Star Wars: Blogs | Lucas Online | YouTube and fan-made Star Wars videos

Star Wars: Blogs Lucas Online YouTube and fan-made Star Wars videos: "YouTube and fan-made Star Wars videos

Lucasfilm has been informed that YouTube recently removed from its site several fan-made Star Wars spoofs and parodies. We would like the fan film community to know that this was not done at our request.

Apparently the action was taken by YouTube as a result of a misunderstanding of a request to remove an item containing material taken from starwars.com without our permission. We have asked YouTube to restore any works that they inadvertently removed."

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

OK Go - Here It Goes Again

One person made a comment..
It's like you can't help but watch.. Like Nascar.. you're just hoping that someone is going to fall...