SNL Short.. UNCENSORED.

it's fun to stay at the...

Real men Wii standing up

 

Browsing the various Nintendo Wii forums around the web, I've noticed more and more people pratically bragging that they play the Wii sitting down, flicking their wrists instead of the beautiful and healthful full-body motion that nature intended. These couch potatoes shall not be suffered. For the Wii purist, I made this prototype for a tshirt:

A ladies version is also in the works, even though the pun doesn't work as well.

Source: Real men Wii standing up
Originally published on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 17:02:06 GMT

US Music Publishers Sue AllofMP3 for $1.65 Trillion USD

 

In a move curious only due to its relatively late timing, the major record production labels in the US have filed suit in federal court against Russian online music distributor AllofMP3.com, seeking $150,000 USD for each single violation of copyright infringement for tracks the site posted without authorization.

Source: US Music Publishers Sue AllofMP3 for $1.65 Trillion USD
Originally published on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 23:44:22 GMT

==================================================

Who needs bands anymore.. just sue the shit out of websites.    Jesus...  Here's a hint to all would be bands out there.. you want to get known?  publish your shit yourself.  DO NOT even TRY to get a label.  You don't get jack anyway.  Fuck the RIAA.   You don't need them.. really. 

Twas the night before doom's day

Twas the night before doom's day
and all through the house everyone
felt shitty, even the mouse.

Mom at the whorehouse and
Dad smoking grass, and I just
settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn I heard
such a clatter, I sprang from my piece
to see what was the matter.

Then out on the lawn I saw a
big dick, I knew in a moment
it must be St. Prick.

He came down from the chimney like
a bat out of hell, I knew in a
moment the fucker had fell.

He filled all the stockings with
pretzels and beer, and a big rubber
dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a
thunderous fart, the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed as he rode
out of sight, "Piss on you all and
have one hell of a night!!!"

Whatever Happened To Jesus Christ's Foreskin?

 

Few Catholic artifacts are as mysterious and as fraught with controversy as the foreskin of Jesus Christ, the only part of the Messiah left on Earth after his Divine Ascension.

After being lost for almost 1500 years, Christ's foreskin (known as the Holy Prepuce) was discovered in the small Roman town of Calcata, disproving a theory by 17th century theologian Leo Allatius that it ascended into heaven to become the rings of Saturn. The Holy Foreskin was immediately attributed with numerous divine miracles, including perfumed mists and freak storms. It supposedly had divine attributes: rubbing it upon the eyelids of the blind could make them see.

But in 1900, another holy foreskin showed up, this time in France. At this point, even the Catholic Church was starting to be a little bit ashamed of their little slice of Jesus and it was decreed that anyone who even spoke of the Holy Foreskin would be excommunicated and burn in hell forever.

Yet that didn't stop people from obsessing about it and in 1983, it mysteriously disappeared. Now David Farley of Slate wonders what happened: was it really stolen by sacrilegious thieves? Or were black-masked ninjas on a cleaning mission from the Vatican itself responsible for spiriting away the decaying sheath of Christ's dick in the middle of the night? We may never know what really happened to Jesus' foreskin.

Fore Shame [Slate]

 

Source: Whatever Happened To Jesus Christ's Foreskin?
Originally published on Wed, 20 Dec 2006 22:00:00 GMT

Family Guy Voices

I've always wondered...

So, as the three wise men enter the stable in Bethlehem, the tallestof the three smacks his head on the low doorway.He exclaims, "Jesus Christ!"Joseph says to Mary, "Write that down, I like that better than 'Derek'."

Superheroes on Screen - Dogs Can Be Heroes Too

 

I sure hope this is better than Garfield

Source: Superheroes on Screen - Dogs Can Be Heroes Too
Originally published on Thu, 14 Dec 2006 06:27:00 GMT by Chip Chief

.. I can't be the only one that liked the theme song..

BABY FART!! HILARIOUS!!!

Video of a farting baby, BEST FART EVER :D

[Video] Iraqi Kids Learn English

 

US Soldiers help Iraqi Children learn their first English words.

 

Source: [Video] Iraqi Kids Learn English
Originally published on Thu, 14 Dec 2006 05:00:00 GMT

Calc5: Quick online graphing calculator

 

What does the 5 in Calc5 stand for? I have no idea. Rest assured, though, that this slick Ajax calculator does support most numbers, including those greater than five. At first blush there's not a lot to set Calc5 apart from the crowd. It works as advertised. But then you get into the advanced math and graphing functions, and that's where Calc5 really stands out. While it's distinctly lacking in documentation, the built-in samples will get you started. You can use unlimited variables, you can do derivations, you can find derivatives, and more, but most impressively you can make fast, attractive graphs, both 2D and 3D. The 2D graphs are very cool--smooth lines, and a Google Maps-like interface that lets you pan and zoom with the mouse. The 3D graphs aren't quite as cool--they lack the pan and zoom features--but still. 3D graphs will always be cool. The site automatically saves your previous calculations (via cookies), which is handy, but there's no built-in permalink system for sending calculations or graphs to your friends and colleagues. I can only assume this functionality is coming.
There are a couple undocumented features (well the whole app is undocumented, so take that how you will) I discovered that you might find useful, though:

1. Pressing Ctrl+Enter is equivalent to clicking the "OK" button. Very handy.
2. You can link to an equation by putting it after a pound sign following the URL. So if you wanted to help your friend solve, say, 2+2, you could point them to calc5.com/#2+2. Your friend will still have to click on the "OK" button (I hope this changes soon), but it works. First person to send me a Calc5 link for the Valenzetti Equation gets a free trip on Oceanic Airlines.

Calc5 is fairly powerful, especially with those graphing features, but it's clearly still very beta. Once they get some real documentation in there and some more convenience features, it could become indispensable. For now I'll probably stick to Google Calculator for the easy stuff, and Instacalc for the more complex stuff--unless I need to do some advanced graphing.

Source: Calc5: Quick online graphing calculator
Originally published on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 12:00:00 GMT by Jordan Running

OH man.. =(

A 13 year old boy was transported to Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis today after taking 15 of his father's Viagra tablets.He's in serious condition with 3rd degree burns to both palms.

CNET's James Kim and family missing -- have you seen them?

CNET's James Kim and family missing -- have you seen them?
Posted Nov 30th 2006 8:45PM by Ryan BlockFiled under: Announcements
We've received word that a respected member of our tech community, James Kim (whom many of you may know as CNET's senior editor of digital audio), and his family have gone missing. As we understand it, last weekend James, his wife Kati (above right), and his very young girls Penelope (left) and Sabine (baby), drove from their home in the SF Bay Area to Seattle. They were expected back some time Sunday, but were last seen by a hotel clerk at 5:45 PM on Saturday in or between Gold Beach or Portland, Oregon. We sincerely do hope they are all safe, and our hearts go out to the Kim family.We'll have more information as we get it. If you have any information as to the Kim family's whereabouts, please contact the SFPD at 415-558-5508 during normal business hours, and 415-553-1071 after hours
===========================
Update: it's worse then that.. He's dead jim.
my thoughts and prayers go to the family, and praise to the internet for trying to do all to help this family out in a time of need.

an open letter to '(Dr. WhoAmI)'

*sigh* Well it's been a while I guess since I've needed to take a stance for total morons on the internet. Look, R-Tard. I didn't ASK for your SPAM. I didn't request for you to post a 3 page 'comment' that has NOTHING to do with the blog that you posted to.

That proves that you are a total dumb-ass. But you just needed to bring the Bible and God into the post.. *Sigh* I'll tell you what I pray for. I pray that ass-hats like you won't be able to breed so soon the internet will be free from useless sub-humans like yourself.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. God made cliffs for spammers like yourself to JUMP OFF of.

Look at this.. not only do you waste my time by needed to delete your stupid posts, but then you force me to call you all sorts of names and try to explain how you should just leave the whole world alone.

How to make your computer...

... lower your heat bill!

Step #1: Take off your Case.
Step #2: Calculate PI.
or
run the most graphics intensive screen saver you can find.


hmm.. Toasty!

Parenthood

-- If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

-- Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results.

-- The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side. -- Avenge yourself

-- live long enough to be a problem to your children.

-- The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere and hide the keys to the car.

-- Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

-- The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.

-- Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car.

-- Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

-- Grandparents are similar to a piece of string; handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.

-- There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

-- Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

-- Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

-- Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

-- Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers.

-- An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small children.

I used to think...

I used to think there was a time and place for everything...
... until I just caught a workmate doing the 'Funky Chicken' in the hallway.



(and I really wish this was a figment of my imagination)

New Computer Viruses

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking forviruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causeslittle purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive ; with NO memory

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting andre-counting

The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, thene-mails everyone about what it did

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, butwill be back

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care

The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy...then discards it through windows..

How to Memorize a Deck of Cards

How to Memorize a Deck of Cards Imagine being able to memorize the order of cards in an entire deck (or two) as quickly as they can be dealt. The secret of the card counters is a secret no more. Using the memory palace technique below, you too can memorize a random deck of cards in order with one viewing. It takes a little time to set up, but once you've got it down, you'll be able to amaze your friends.... Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Memorize-a-Deck-of-Cards