Parenthood

-- If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

-- Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results.

-- The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side. -- Avenge yourself

-- live long enough to be a problem to your children.

-- The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere and hide the keys to the car.

-- Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

-- The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.

-- Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car.

-- Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

-- Grandparents are similar to a piece of string; handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.

-- There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

-- Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

-- Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

-- Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

-- Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers.

-- An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small children.